One day there was this regular guy named Unlco Malderbort. Unclo was a gymnast and also a really good horticulturist. That's like the scientist version of a farmer. Anyway he liked to grow really tall plants and then try to do backflips over them. When the plant became too tall for him to flip over, he'd uproot the plant angrily and go burn it down outside while wearing sunglasses.
Unlco's neighbor, Jervips, really hated when this happened. It was always in the middle of the night, and the brightness of the flames would come in through his window and wake him up. He didn't want to say anything, because his neighbor is obviously a crazy lunatic, but it was really annoying. Jervips did not own any sunglasses, because he was not cool. Furthermore, he blew his dick off in a skiing accident which happened in the basement of his house. Now he can't aim when he pees, have sex with unattractive women, or properly show respect to Harambe.
Eventually, the annoyance became too much for Jervips to bear, and Jervips began to plot against Unclo. He figured he could sneak in to Unclo's greenhouse and start a fire which would destroy all of the backflip plants. Unclo was the man though, and he already knew that Jervips would try to fuck with his plants. It was obvious because every time Unclo would leave his house, he would hear Jervips whispering his plan into store-bought heads of lettuce. Lettuce is something that Unclo would never want to grow, because doing backflips over lettuce is fucking boring and sucks. Unclos website is named doingbackflipsoverlettuceisboringandsucks.com.
A few Wednesdays later, Jervips finally attempted to execute his plan. He crept like a TV cat burglar across his yard, holding his heads of lettuce. They were doused in gasoline, even though lettuce is not absorbent enough for any part of his plan to light them on fire to work. When he got to the greenhouse and broke inside, Unclo was standing there waiting for him.
Unclo ripped his shirt off, and he was actually all buff underneath it. He yelled "You fairy, I am actually UNCULESE! With the strength of SOME uncles!" and then he ran forward and punched Jervips in the fucking face. Jervips thought it hurt so badly that he shat himself in public. Unculese lead the shaken and dazed Jervips by the hand outside, where some people were waiting at a bus stop.
"I am UNCULESE! I've punched this man in the face with my Uncleish strength, and it has caused this shit here" he said, pointing at the brown stain on Jervips's ass-pants. The people at the bus stop laughed and pointed at Jervips with Unculese. "Wow what a stupid asshole" everyone said and thought and texted to their cousins all at the same time.
Unculese let go of Jervips's hand and walked back to his greenhouse, where Jervips had dropped all the heads of lettuce. He stepped on them a lot until they were smushy and bad and ruined, and then threw the remains over the fence into Jervis's yard.
As an epilogue, Jervips hobbled home embarrassed, and also had to sweep up the hurt lettuce. He decided though that he would quit his job and dedicate himself to taking down Unculese as PELVO, the nearby villain.